cant believe today is the last day of 2004! its been an interesting year, to say the least. im so excited for 2005! i get to get my permit, my liscence, my first car, my first real job, ill prolly go 2 public school for the first time, and we're gunna move... and im gunna sell my horse! and thats just a few of the things that i kno of! im really excited for 2005!

so yeah, sryness for not posting lately, life has been life-ful, and its kept me from such a site. o and plus my rents took away most of my daily internet time, so the little that i do have i spend in my email. so yeah, i dunno when ill post next, but farewell untill then, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

yay... friday was very fun... went christmas caroling at a nursing home thing w/ the leones lol, and then FNL was great... my throat still hurts from screaming and singing lol. and finding eternity was lovely. so were the other local bands, hooray. so then i was all over the rest of the weekend, brits, sarahs... church... small group... was good fun.

now today im just hanging here and watching my sisters and the dog cuz my rents went somewhere for a few hours 2 do some packaging for a shipment of toys to a mexico thing... for christmas... so yeah... i guess thats all 4 now. untill later!

yay... friday was very fun... went christmas caroling at a nursing home thing w/ the leones lol, and then FNL was great... my throat still hurts from screaming and singing lol. and finding eternity was lovely. so were the other local bands, hooray. so then i was all over the rest of the weekend, brits, sarahs... church... small group... was good fun.

now today im just hanging here and watching my sisters and the dog cuz my rents went somewhere for a few hours 2 do some packaging for a shipment of toys to a mexico thing... for christmas... so yeah... i guess thats all 4 now. untill later!

im listening 2 such now, such a lovely CD.

so this weekend! yay 4 weekends. 2morrow, being friday, im off 2 hero for the day-o, and then afterwards i might flee w/ the leones for the afternoon, due 2 lackage of ride 2 church... and then id get dropped at WHC around 4pmish... and b there till 10pm!!! YAY! thatd rock. and then saturday me n brit n anna shall prolly flee 2 sarahs and hang... and sleepover then get a ride from my mother 2 church on sunday... which i also LOVE... and i LOVE CHURCH! and then yeah... who knows wut else. o yeah my mom is gunna come 2 the session w/ angie on monday... thatll b interesting.

well i should flee... i have VERY limited internet time now (new thing from my rents, yay *sarcasm*), hence the less postingness... but yeah, ive got other blogs 2 check

*i owe it all 2 the mistake he made back then... i owe it all 2 my girls ex-boyfriend!* (hahaha...)

skerfloof. so the last time i blogged was satreday... sence then i have slept over at sarahs, went 2 church w/ sarah and anna, almost got benjamin in lots of trouble by wandering into a rec room that *was* locked... whoops... (long story... nvm) and then went 2 maxwells... played instruments and watched LOST! yay... doms alive, and then sunday went 2 small group/covenant group/what-have-you... and then on monday i went 2 church in all its lack of lovers *sigh* and speeked w/ angie for our hour (haha) and then did homework randomly thruout such a weekend, and today i worked in the cold BRRR and sawded my hooorsey, and did more stupid freaking homework, and then found out that my father did this thing where i cant log onto the internet w/o him putting in the PW. curses... but anyways... here i sit now, speeching w/ britnee on the phone and making her listen 2 my blog post as i say it outloud cuz it helps me think... haha... i laugh.

and yeah... she think i should do it, but i wont. haha... dont ask. paloof.

and i got POMEGRANIT SHAMPOO... thats hott. wahaha... im leaving now.

mmm but thats ok but i love gloomy weather.

so yesterday was nice, hung out w/ pplz, and then got home and went babysitting at a church for a couple hours and got 15 bucks! so i can use that to buy a secret santa gift for *a person* in my small group. mwahaha. o and then last nite me and laura rented and watched "happy gilmore" lol... i love adam sandler.

and today i shall b fleeing 2 sarahs 2 watch LOST (im scared, judith told me they almost kill dom/charlie! *dies*) and i believe anna and brit shall b joining us. joy. AND THEN CHURCH 2MORROW! HOORAY! tata!

grr. and big biology tests. *kills* and homework assignments. i have 2 start working on a big science test, and a big economics paper. YUCK.

so yeah, had hero today... thursdays r always long... *sigh* but most of today is over so thats good, and i have 2morrow 2 look forward 2, cuz i just sit in hero and talk and do homework. so yeah! o and today i disected a sheeps heart. that was stinky, and odd. but interesting all the same. =) hmm... church last nite was lovely... i got coffee. and, i think thats it! bbl!

HOORAY! my mom is working out voice and guitar lessons for me! ITS HAPPY! and i get 2 go see my lovers 2nite at HS service... and im done working for the week! IM HAPPY!

*-*and on and off the clouds have fought, for control over the sky. and lately the weather has been so bi-polar, and consequently so have i. now im sunny w/ a high of 75, sence U took my heavy heart, and made it light. and its funny how u find u enjoy ur life, when ur happy 2 b alive!*-*
"high of 75" - relient k - mmhmm

song in my head:

*-*u dont remember me, but i remember u. i lie awake and try so hard not 2 think of u. but who can decide wut they dream, and dream i do... i believe in u, ill give up everything just 2 find u. i have to b w/ u, 2 live, 2 breath, ur taking over me. have u forgotten all i kno, and all we had. u saw me mourning my love 4 u, and touched my hand. i kno u loved me then. i believe in u, ill give up everything just 2 find u. i have 2 b w/ u, 2 live, 2 breath, ur taking over me. i look in the mirror and see ur face, if i look deep enuf. so many things inside that r just like u, ur taking over. i believe in u, ill give up everything just 2 find u, i have 2 b w/ u, 2 live, 2 breath, ur taking over me... taking over me... ur taking over me...*-*

yay! pretty song. ANYWAYS, im done working for the week which is soooo lovely... today was tough, im so sore and tired... and COLD! brr. i cant believe its almost christmas... just a couple weeks away. my grandma wants me 2 make her a christmas list... but im thinkin im just gunna ask if shed take me 2 go get my hair stripped and chemically straightened, would b loverly!

so yeah, ive got HS service 2nite at church, which is very joyful... i love such. o. that reminds me! im gunna put the link up for finding eternity's website, and also ians blog! fun crap! tata... homework calls.

and diet coke! wahaha... cuz i can.

so yeah, weekend was full, hence no posting. the banquet was funness... my friends looked so gorgeous (uh, i looked ok i guess...), and i danced and danced and danced! yay! and then on sunday i danced around w/ merrill at church, and yesterday i danced around my house singing 2 "fallen" by evanescence... so yeah, its been a danceful weekend! danceful should b an unkymood... lol. but anyways, after the banquet we went 2 brits 4 the nite, and then 2 sarahs for saturday nite... and on sunday church was fabulouso, peter came 4 once, and even went 2 taco house w/ us, which was lovely. and on monday i went 2 counseling w/ angie again... so that was kewl. it kinda sucks tho, i wish i wouldov started seeing her a few months ago... when i was really depressed and had serious self-image problems. i could have used such more then, for sure. now ive overcome most of my depression, and about half of my self-hatred. but yeah, this week i get 2 "think about my think". we've been talking about thoughts and actions and emotions, and becoming aware of such, and controlling such... its been interesting.

yipes... g2g - ive got homework 2 do, and a closet 2 clean out... uhg

went 2 applebees w/ kathy and britnee... yesterday? its 12:51am so its technically already friday, but yeah. on thursday, just a couple hours ago, i went 2 applebees. so anyways thats why im still up. no jewlery yet... whoops. insted of hitting target i went 2 sarahs ... yesterday... to watch spider man2 (GOOD MOVIE!) and so i gots 2 find something 2morrow somehow. uhg. but at least i got my dress. im kinda excited 4 2morrow, but im also finding im kinda dreading it. im in another "hazard to myself" (by pink) mood again... *hating self* and im not really looking forward 2 being in a kinda form-fitting dress 2morrow surrounded by my gorgeous friends... *falls over dead* grrrg. i need 2 kick this self-hatred... it seriously sucks... mrr. but yeah, i spose i should go 2 bed... i have hero 2morrow early, at least i get 2 see loves 2morrow... yay... and then im off 2 brits afterwards 2 curl my hair and stuff, so thatll b kewl. and the banquets 6:30-9:30... but we're gunna go 6-10 lol... so yeah, after that im going back 2 brits for the nite... and ill prolly post saturday. untill then!

-*-everyday i fight a war against the mirror, i cant take the person staring back at me... cuz ima hazard 2 myself, dont let me get me. im my own worst enemy... its bad when u ignore urself, so irratating. dont wanna b my friend no more, i wanna b somebody else...-*-

ahem. so yeah, wentted 2 church 2day, never did speak 2 that guy friend of mine cuz my only chance was afore first service and my mom got us there late so i had 2 go right 2 service... *sigh* but yeah, sermon was very good today, more about kingdom conciousness... good jolly interesting stuff! so yes, my friends were evilish today, even more bugging about me and that friend "getting married" and stuff... lol... thier so retarded. but i love them. =) they even wrote our names in the snow infront of church... quite sad... lol...

BUT ANYWAYS, enuf about my crazy lovers antics. ooo... i paid for the christmas banquet today, HOORAY im officially going. now all i need is a dress, a curling iron, and some jewlery and shoes. yipes! but yeah, i g2g - my rents r fleeing and me and my sisters and the dog r chillin w/ my grandma today and 2morrow, so thatll b interesting. ill bbl!

hallew. im currently in the middle of a movie, but sarah fell asleep and i was starting to, so i thought id hop on and blog quick 2 wake me up so i could finish it. so here i am!

today was nice, i went 2 kowalskis early w/ my mom and got a yummy peppermint mocha, and then we picked up sarah and me and her went back 2 her home, and then leah came over and we hung out and had a lil mini "tea party" and we made a pizza and such. so the interestingness came later, when dean, sarahs older sisters friend came over. sarah and brit have this odd facination w/ trying 2 set me up w/ my friends, and so they enjoy talking about how im "madly in love (mutally)" w/ this friend of mine... and somehow this dean guy found out. so he decides to get this guys number, and call him up! and then he proceedes to talk 2 my friend about if hes ever thought of being "more than friends w/ manda" and such, wahaha... and stuff about "friends w/ benefits" ... and it was sad. so yeah, im put out. =P

but i gots 2 flee... the matrix is waiting for me!

traaleleleleallalalalaaaa ...

just hanging out at my grandma pats home today-o... gunna b here for a while, and play some cards w/ my dad and grandmas when my pop arrives, so itll b good fun. mebbe i finally learn how 2 play that pinuckle game (sp?).

so yeah, yesterday was good fun at grandmas, was a small get-together and we ate and hung out and played hand and foot... and watched survivor lol... i love my crazy family. cept they like 2 swear... which is comical. =P but yeah, tis exactly a week till our church christmas dance/banquet, im so excited for it! itll b good fun. i cant wait 2 go dress shopping, and get my hair done and stuff... itll b kewl 2 b all girly and fancy for a day. =) g2g - bbl!

=P so yeah.

tum tee tum... just chillin at sarahs house, me and brit stayed over last nite and we didnt do much, brit talked 2 max most of the time, sarah threw things at brit, and i listen 2 the pretty CD anna burned me... (yes, we r odd). sadly the song YOU isnt on it (by evanescence)... *dies*. its a lovely song, and its so lovely in fact, that i shall now post it here... hooray. and about the question marked parts, tis how the song goes... i just question marked them cuz they r the parts that dont quite apply lol... but, on w/ the song!

the words have been drained from this pencil,
sweet words that i want to give u
and i cant sleep, i need 2 tell u, goodnight
when we're together i feel perfect,
when im pulled away from u, i fall apart
all that u say is sacred to me,
ur eyes are so blue (?), i cant look away
as we lay in the stillness, u whisper to me
amy, marry me (?), promise ull stay w/ me
oh u dont have 2 ask me, u kno ur all that i live 4.
u kno id die just 2 hold u, stay w/ u
somehow ill show u that
u r my night sky, ive always been right beside u
so many nights, ive cried myself to sleep
now that u love me, i love myself
i never thought i would say that,
i never thought thered b... u

*swoons* i love such. and i shall leave on such a lovely note... im off 2 my grandmas for the day. =)

*pondering about barney song*

hallew! (and when u look up, THEY DROP ON U!) pooh rocks. ok... FOCUS... here we b. so im not mad anymore, venting felt nice, and my mom didnt seem as angered when she returned from work last nite. part of that might b cuz i saw her for about 30 seconds when she got home, and then i went back down 2 my room... but still. so yeah, i wroted another like, few page long poem thing, was one of those quiet, thinkful nights... dontcha kno, so twas good. i prolly shant post such a poem... tralala... we'll see.

must flee for work in about 8 mins... *whimpers* i just want my warm bed... uhg. but at least today is wednesday so i can work w/ the expectation of seeing loves tonite at church... hooray. and hopefully anna shall have a luverly burned evanescence filled CD for me... which would b lovely.

FISH AND FRANK!

this is interesting. im always managing to b happy in one post, and then mad in the next... (hence the name of this post). *sigh*

so yes, right now i am mad. quite mad. my mother has decided 2 hate me even more than usual today, and sence i was giving her "attitude" (i was a bit mad at her cuz she was totally siding w/ rachel today when rach was being a total snot towards me), she decided 2 call brits mom and tell her not 2 pick me up 2day 2 go hang w/ brit 4 a couple hours... and shes also saying she might now let me come 2 applebees w/ her and brit and brits mom!!! (both of which were planned yesterday... that she just last minute said no 2... arg) so this is great, im stuck at home most of 2nite, possibly all of 2nite, if she doesnt let me go 2 applebees... and was she thinking thatd make me in an even better mood? w/e 2 her. *rawr*

ill bbl... by then im sure ill b fine... and all happy again... how odd... *shakes head*

*sigh* i have about 5-10 mins afore i have 2 leave to go 2 the barn 2 work... and its so coldish! i just wanna sleeeeeep... *falls over*

so yeah, hopefully this shall b one of the last times i shall have 2 work there, cuz those people will hopefully buy diamond this saturday! o i hope that works out. g2g - my toast poped up!

HALLEW!

me, brit, anna, nikki, and sarah all had a tea party (w/ real tea) this weekend! we dressed up in ugly dress up clothes (i myself was in a floor length tight flowery dress w/ weird fuffy things at the neck, and an unmatching floor length coat thing.. lol), and had cookies and cream and sugar cubes, talked about the "latest gossip", and even sat up straight! lol... and after such a festivity, we went downstairs and turned on some weird music and "waltzed" for a while. was good fun, we should makea habit of such. =P

then we attended church *swoons* i love church. we had communion this sunday, was kewl. mmm and i had a counseling session thing today w/ angie for an hour, so that was interesting... we're gunna do 2 more sessions and then "evaluate" and decide if we're gunna do more. ill keep ... myself ... posted. o and then i stayed at annas for a few hours *claps happily* and her "constipated cat" was being erm... quite silly and lovely on the steps... hahaha... *laughs w/ anna cuz only she shall understand such* so yes... and her brothers asked me strange questions and made me laugh, and then i died in the car whenst w/ her parents, dontcha kno. ;) so after chillin at brits 2nite while my dad painted one of thier walls... i finally got home, 2 blog, and SLEEP!

no news on diamond yet, the people r coming this sat. 2morrow and wednesday i gots work anyway tho *sigh* but if they decide about him this weekend, hopefully i shant have 2 work next week! so yup, need sleep. catch ... myself ... later!

hooray it all worked out in the end and i made it to brits house! and maxwell joined us for a while, and then anna, and nikki... and then we fled 2 sarahs house where i am now, dontcha kno... and we're gunna watch LOST and then eat pizza, and sleep a bit, and hit church 2morrow, YAY!

so im happy now, =)
g2g - tataness

*sigh* today has been ok so far, but i am now in another one of those downish, self-hatred moods... oops. so yeah, this song really sums up how i feel right now... grr. (dont let me get me - pink)

Never win first place, I don’t support the team
I can’t take direction, and my socks are never clean
Teachers dated me, my parents hated me
I was always in a fight cuz I can’t do nothin’ right

Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I can’t take the person starin’ back at me, I’m a hazard to myself

Don’t let me get me, I’m my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself, So irritating
Don’t wanna be my friend no more, I wanna be somebody else
I wanna be somebody else, yeah

L.A. told me, you’ll be a pop star,
All you have to change is everything you are.
Tired of being compared to (uh...) "darn" britney spears
She’s so pretty, that just ain’t me

Doctor, doctor won’t you please prescribe me somethin
A day in the life of someone else? Cuz I’m a hazard to myself...
Don’t let me get me, I’m my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself, So irritating
Don’t wanna be my friend no more, I wanna be somebody else
Doctor, doctor won’t you please prescribe me somethin
A day in the life of someone else? Don’t let me get me...

Don’t let me get me, I’m my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself, So irritating
Don’t wanna be my friend no more, I wanna be somebody else...

(lol, like the modification? :-P) so yah. i hate feeling like this, but i cant help it. whilst searching i came upon this tho: http://songbook.manueladam.com/print/?4b28f055-c5a9- 4c80-ab1b-682b65b7e96e" title="http://songbook.manueladam.com/print/?4b28f055-c5a9- 4c80-ab1b-682b65b7e96e" target="_blank"http://songbook.manueladam.co... and felt a wee bit better... *sigh*

so yah, im in a non-smoking mood 2... hahaha... yesterday during our science test when it was super quiet i randomly stated that i dont smoke... (dont kno why) and so after laughing at me, my friends decided 2 all write "manda doesnt smoke" on the sides of thier tests... tee hee... and before that i decided we should write "mushroom" upside down on the bottoms of our tests too... so my teacher is gunna b really confused... heh... (she wasnt in the room when we did this). but ANYWAYS, i must flee... bbl...

hooray for fridays, thier so lovely! and this one has started out especially lovely, acuz its so gloomy and rainy out, which is one of my favorite types of weather! and i gots hero today-o, but no classes... i just sit and chill in lunch... *happy sigh* so yeah, today is gunna b lovely. =)

i survived last nite, they all calmed down. was quite odd. but i cant say that ive never spazzed out for no reason at all at some innocent person before... lol... tis quite fun, actually.

but w/e. i believe that i must fleeeeee... half hour afore we leave, must get myslef readyful. *frolics off...*